Don't Wast Your Dreams on Another Person's Promise

I was having a talk with one of my oldest sisters this morning about careers, school, and children. Courtney and I have these life talks quite often and it typically gives me a new perspective in life. Courtney is a driven single mother working towards a master degree in Wealth Management. Her daughter, my niece, Olivia, is a week older than Braxton. Courtney is 7 years older than me. Somehow Court and I end up in the same place in life, or at least parallels, with every changing season. This morning our chat based around one of my favorite quotes

"Do not waste your dreams on another person's promise"

This quote is dear to me, as I grew up in an extremely broken home. My mother married quite frequently, and as a senior in high school, I realized that I had never seen a marriage work. 

This quote works two ways for me. First, I do not want to compete with my husband, I have no problems if he makes more money than me, but personally, I would never want to NOT contribute financially. There is nothing wrong with stay at home moms, and I wont even touch that topic. What I am saying is I pride myself in working, in some way. Having career goals of my own make me feel better about myself, and make me feel accomplished. I would never allow the fact that my husband makes good money, stop me from having goals of my own.

Being in direct sales for so long has been good and bad for this sense of accomplishment. I have achieved many things so far, but they were not the things I wanted to achieve. Of course, we measure ourselves by intention, instead of action, and my intention was to be further along. Ultimately, I still feel like I have not accomplished anything.

For Courtney, her sense of accomplishment comes from education. She feels the best knowing she is working towards something that will better her life in the future, that she can work towards daily.  I am so proud of my sister for starting school as a single mother. Working her butt off to make something of herself. 

In our conversation, we both agreed that even in our separate situations, myself being happily married, and her being a single mother, we must both teach our children to go after their dreams no matter what their marital status is. 

I have seen so many times from my own mother the opposite of this. As soon as she would get married, she would sit back, relax in life and give up on her own dreams because she started to focus on another person. In my opinion, one thing that makes my marriage so great is that Jay and I both have something we are working towards. I am working to get back into the dental field, managing and growing a practice. Jay is working to be the first department director with his credentials. Its so wonderful to have these goals and cheering each other on. We sometimes forget to celebrate the small accomplishments, as those are just as important as the big achievements.

The second reason this quote is so dear to me, is in Mary Kay, I feel like I have been pushed to become something that I wasn't. Someone "above" me had dreams for me that I am not sure I've ever actually wanted. I thought I wanted them, but did I? or did she?  Her promises of riches, and a certain lifestyle sounded great, and I worked very hard for those things, and ultimately never got them. I see no problem in working a "regular" job. Although, I've been convinced for the past few years that working in the "normal" workforce is settling. To me, the things that matter are coming home, reaching career goals of any magnitude, having a family, owning a home, raising a gentleman, and being a productive member of society. Lately, I've been sitting back and asking myself what really matters to me. Quite honestly, I prefer the "normal" life, I think. 

What I am trying to say is that: No matter who it is, a spouse, a boss, or a mentor, do not waste your dreams, whatever they are, on the promises of someone else. People break promises. If you allow others to make plans for YOUR life, and your children's life, you might wake up one day and find that they didn't plan much for you at all. Go after what you want.