Fitting in is failure

I am left handed, I was born on christmas day, I hate holiday shaped reese cups. I love to work with power tools, and I am terribly flawed. I say all sorts of awkward things, and I totally laugh about them later. I assume everyone is my friend, but then that they hate me all the same. I like cool whip in my coffee, and I eat way too much fast food. I am absolutely terrified of heights-and escalators- but I have no problems eating dinner in a restaurant alone, or speaking to a stadium of people. I am terribly flawed.

Last week, I went to a thirty one party with some friends from work. For three hours I sat on my friends couch thinking of ways to get out of buying a $30 utility tote with owls on it. For three hours I sat on my friends couch thinking about how abnormal it was to ponder spending $30 on a  utility tote with owls on it.

The other day I was thinking about my childhood and came across a memory from when I was 6 or 7 and dreamed of growing up to be an architect. I use to think to myself how awesome it would be-when I was old enough to call my own shots. I would make all the right decisions and I would have the perfect family.
Looking back I wonder where I went wrong, or if I did at all. I wonder what would've happened if I had stayed on the straight and narrow. Would I be an architect? A lawyer? Would I even be any better off?

I am always the girl with a story. I have a "make it out alive" mentality that I desperately hold onto. I am prone to checking everyone's intentions, and I am impossible to befriend. I say all the wrong things, and I get in too deep. Everyday is a struggle. I do not know right from wrong, and I do not want to be the girl with a story.

I want to be normal. I want to know where I came from without a preface. I want to look back and say that I went to one school, and my favorite part of growing up in this one town was getting ice cream at that one place. I want to walk down the street where I learned to ride a bike, and finally change that old wallpaper at mom's house. I want to get excited over utility totes with owls, or purse parties in general. I want to make friends and trust, just trust, that they want to be my friend too. I want to walk through life without sizing myself up. I want to know that what I'm doing is alright. I want a memory, any memory from being a child that is just good.

I want to be boring.
I want to give my son a boring life too.